Through pregnancy, I got involved with several pregnancy, birth, and parenting-type email groups. Each had its own merits, and I found thinking about the quirks of the groups to be somewhat amusing. I even wrote about it a few times…here and here.

I found the very “altie” groups to be incredibly helpful during pregnancy — knowing that I would birth Maya at home was pretty intimidating. Once Maya was born, however, I found that I’m just not THAT crunchy. As much as I love the ideal of the Earth-Goddess-Mother, it just doesn’t suit me. As with pregnancy, I read and decide what’s best for us. We are doing a few things differently from “the norm” — like taking vaccinations VERY slowly — but I’m not cloth-diapering/ no-diapering/ vax-free/ insert-crunchy-idealization-here. You want me to use cloth diapers? Fine. Hire me a laundry service, and we’ll talk about it.

I digress…

The point of this: since Maya’s arrival, one group has stuck, and I’m not sure how I’d survive without their support.

Life changes so much after a baby. No matter how much you hear this and intellectually know it ahead of time, nothing prepares you for the truth of this statement. I still talk to friends from “before,” but it’s just not the same. Heading to the Ritz for a cocktail is the last thing on my mind. Shopping for clothing now means hitting OshKosh, not Eddie Bauer. Buying new toys takes me to the ubiquitous Babies ‘R’ Us (BRU in mommy-speak) instead of to an electronics superstore. It’s good to have other people in my life who are experiencing this same upheaval.

When I’ve had a horrific day, I can tell them about it. When I’m celebrating a new milestone, they celebrate with me. When I have a stupid question, chances are that either someone has gone through what I’m facing before, or has the patience to research and give me their opinion. They know the whole (not-so-pretty) story about Maya’s father, and make no judgement of me for it. We share the little silly details of our lives that other people might find tedious. In short (or long!), THEY GET IT.

Even more amazing, the conversation stays largely flame-free. I’ve never, NEVER found this in an online community. We’re pretty darned diverse, covering the full spectrums of race, religion, backgrounds, education, and political leanings…so it’s not that we have nothing to argue about. We simply choose not to.

The blogs I link to are just a small sampling of a group of women whom I truly consider friends.