When I first learned of this pregnancy, my initial reaction was disbelief, bordering on panic.  Within a couple minutes of doing the “but-I-don’t-have-medical-insurance” dance, I thought to myself, “Do I HAVE to have a doctor? Haven’t women done this for all time, even before doctors were ever involved?”  Unfortunately, that thought slipped away from my mind very quickly, as I went about trying to figure out how I was going to get prenatal care (”a hospital won’t take you without prenatal care,” I was warned).

Along the way, my father suggested that I call a friend of his’ wife — she’d recently had her seventh (!) child with a midwife.  One of the phone calls I’d made before was to a CNM, and I *thought* I knew what that was about…it was just as expensive as seeing an OB (about $2600, not counting hospital costs, which run $3-5k for a NORMAL birth).  Just the same, to humor dad, I called Patricia, and she gave me a glowing reference to a woman who wasn’t her midwife but was “one I saw once, and if I birth again, I will use her.”

I called Merrie, and was dumbfounded to realize that this would mean a HOMEbirth.  Really?  Um…okay.  The costs were amazingly reasonable — I was stunned at the difference.  $1400…with discounts if I paid by 20 or 28 weeks gestation.  Wow.  My gut reaction to her was very positive, so I decided to go for it, but that meant that I was committing to a “natural” birth — no drugs. 

The whole pregnancy/childbirth thing was such an unknown to me…remember, I hadn’t planned for this baby.  So, what did I do?  I reacted the way I take on most new situations/topics in my world.  I started to read and research like crazy.

Like most people, the first book I bought was “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”  Honestly, as a newbie, it gave me a reasonable start for…well…what to expect.  Just the same, I found its tone to be annoying somehow, and couldn’t quite put a finger on why.  My friend Melissa suggested that I should get a copy of “Birthing from Within,” and while I found it interesting, I probably found 5-10 pages of the content to really speak to me.  The rest…well, I had no desire/urge to do art projects, and no partner for all of this.  (My thoughts and feelings about walkng through this single would/will make up another very long post.)

I continued to read pretty much anything I could get my hands on, especially related to “natural” childbirth.  I needed to know what was coming up for me! On top of that, somewhere along the way, the idea that I really would have to get this kid OUT of me started to just feel more real, and thus, scary since I was uninformed.  In this search for more information, I came upon my new “favorite” reading material: birth stories.

Of course, like most pregnant women, I’ve watched the Discovery Health channel shows and the like with interest.  But, disturbingly, all of these shows seemed to focus on problematic pregnancies.  If nothing else, I’ve been incredibly healthy through this pregnancy…other than a short bout with anemia/low protein which I could quickly correct with diet.  The emergency-type births shown in these shows just didn’t fit, and since what I’m planning (birth at home) is so different, they really didn’t help me to get a good idea of what to expect.  One of the early birth stories I stumbled onto finally clicked with me…it was a woman somewhere in Colorado, and she’d had a midwife-attended birth up at her mountain cabin with her daughter and husband present. (see story here)  What a shame I’m in a condo!  I loved the image of being outside, in the middle of nature, holding on to a Ponderosa pine.  Even better, this story was just so real — it wasn’t without concern, but the issue (stuck shoulders in this case) was handled calmly, not as an occassion for panic.  From here forward, I started searching out birth stories — reading others’ experiences became my preparation for my own birth.

I also started searching for more yahoo groups.  The pregnancy list I’ve been a member of has been good, but I’d often felt that I just didn’t fit in…I was doing something so different from nearly everyone else on the list, and I just felt…out of place.  I didn’t have OB appointments to talk about (I can’t believe I used to feel BAD about that?).  I didn’t have a dh/bf for support…and to complain about.  I found Holistic Birth & Parenting, and requested to join.  It took weeks before I finally was in, and once I was in, I was disappointed at how slow this list was.  I didn’t have huge amounts to contribute, and really wanted to read others’ posts at first..but there weren’t any posts to read!  However, early on, someone mentioned Empowered Childbirth, but added the caveat that they weren’t accepting new members because they were so busy.  What the hell…I’d try anyway.  Much to my surprise, I got in even faster than I had to HBP!

(continued in another post)